And Kami Said, Let There Be Stupidity
by Spara
Summary: What happens when Kami gets bored? Zarbon casts a body swapping spell, thats what. CHAPTER 4 up!
1. Default Chapter

**And Kami said, "Let there be stupidity."**

CH. 1 

((( I feel that a little explanation is in order. This fic is written three years ago in the days of, well I was forced to entertain myself in highschool English, due to the fact that our teacher seemed to think most of us incompetent. Sadly, most of the class was. I however, didn't need chapter 20 of "The Scarlet Letter" explained to me 3 times since I had actually read the book. Thus my pen met paper and the rest is history. Actually I wrote another fic in history class, but I digress. The story is based on several IM conversations I have had with a friend of mine named Piccolo Pixie, a rabid Namekseijin fan. She has an army of chibi-tachi (super deformed anime characters) who are obsessed with credit cards, poking people with sticks, and drinking. Her chibi of choice is Quatre. Spara is a Saiyajin who lives on Earth with a resurrected Zarbon in order to keep him out of trouble. She fails miserably. Anywho, we all know who Piccolo is and Zarbon…well we know Zarbon but Pix and I just assume he's had several massive head injuries and has little to no concept of right and wrong. ^_^ He is constantly dabbling in the mystical arts and claims to have once been apprenticed to Washu of the Tenchi Muyo! fame.))) 

It was a slow day in Tenkai...

                        Kami sighed. None of the mortals were being very entertaining at the moment. Sure there were some of them off fighting wars for others who believed in their own righteous causes and were willing to condemn others for not believing in it as well but his was all old hat. He needed something new....

            "Kami you look bored. Would you like some lemonade?"

            "No thank you Popo. I'm just out of things to do. The humans have decided to go ahead and kill each other off with or without my help and that's all fine and dandy but I'm bored spit less!"

            "Well why don't you do something that will get them riled up? Perhaps release another plague? Its been an awfully long time since you did something like that. Besides Enma Daiou has been on us about not being involved enough with the Humans."

            "Oh he has, has he? What! Just because I let things go to shit for the past few centuries and he has to jump down my throat about it! Damnit I'm old! I should be sunning myself on a beach in Florida! But noooooo! I'm still here doing my job! And you'd think that the job of Kami would be one that people would jump at the chance to take! I offer it to that idiotic lout Son Goku and he sticks his tongue out at me! ME! KAMISAMA!!"

            "If you want a replacement why don't you ask Piccolo?"

            "Piccolo? PICCOLO!? That ungrateful whelp that my worse half just had to birth so he could throw my age back into my face! Well I'm sorry I'm not allowed to use my own damn Dragon! How's that for the final kick in the ass!?  Yes, Lets see what Piccolo is up to! See if he's enjoying his freedom!"

            Kami walked over to the edge of the tenkai bowl and peered over. "Ah there he is. Look Popo! He's meditating! HAH! That's what he tells people he's doing anyway. Meditating being code for taking a nap! And look.....that impetuous Pixie who is always never too far off......These are the people I should be tormenting. Not the whole world just these....Ahah! I have an idea Popo! One that should provide days of entertainment and possibly get me a replacement!!"

            "Really Kami? How are you going to do that?"

            Kami just grinned. "Oh you'll see Popo....you'll see....."

            Kami raised his arms to the bright blue sky and looked down upon the glistening Earth that he alone had sworn to protect from enemy, be they spiritual or physical. He the Kami, whose very word was law.

            "Let there be stupidity."

At that very moment on Earth……

Piccolo was levitating in midair next to a peaceful waterfall. On closer inspection it is obvious that he was in a state of meditation. 

Suddenly his eyes flew open in alarm! He had sensed that someone was near. A tiny insignificant ki but a ki nonetheless. He tensed in anticipation of meeting the intruder who dared trespass upon his domain.

Closer and closer he sensed their approach, a bead of sweat formed on his brow and his fist clenched as ki began to flare around it.

Suddenly a little white bunny hopped into the clearing. Piccolo sweat dropped. -.-''

"A rabbit?! I got all worked up over a frikkin RABBIT!??!" He shouted.

He powered down and looked at the rabbit in disgust.

"Stupid rabbit. This is all Pixie's fault! Everywhere I turn there she is with that damnable camera forever flashing in my face and her evil little chibi tachi who make Mini-me look tame!

And now when I finally get some peace and quiet I can't even enjoy it because she has made me paranoid!" He shouted at the rabbit. The rabbit just continued to chew on a flower.

"I hate my life." he sighed and returned to his meditation, thankful that no one was around to see him make an ass of himself.

Pixie grinned. She had gotten the whole incident on tape!

"Heh heh heh...this is gold! Wait'll I show it at the next meeting!" she thought to herself gleefully. She heard some of her chibi tachi giggle. She turned and saw that they had discovered a rather large thorn bush and that they were now making new poking sticks out of its branches.

"Thorns? Very good chibi tachi! You guys are learning!"

"Good enough to get our Visa's back?" One of them asked.

"No....but good enough for a hug!" She said as she spread  her arms wide.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" they all screamed as they turned and ran for their lives.

"Huh? What's their problem?" she wondered aloud.

"I'm their problem, AND YOURS!!!" A voice growled angrily behind her.

"Eep..." Pixie squeaked as the turned around to face a REALLY pissed off Piccolo.

Somewhere closer than one might expect, an evil plot is brewing.....

"Heh heh heh...." Zarbon sat in the kitchen stirring a huge pot full of a bubbling foul smelling liquid.

"Hmmm....now lets see....eye of newt? Check. Toe of frog? Check. Gill of fish? Check. Tongue of dog? Check. Good now I have everything!" He dumped the gross atrocities into the boiling vat of greenish muck.

 "Eeeeeeeeeexelent..." He said as he rubbed his hands together evilly. "Well now that dinner is done I can get to work on that potion!"

He pulled out the pixie spell book, which he had stolen from Pixie and opened it up. He thumbed carefully through the book, scanning each page searching for an elixir that would cause a sufficient amount of mischief he was now well known for.

"Hmm.....Pepsi into gold? Nah. Thirty year sleeping curse? Nope. Multiple hair colors? No..... Isn't there anything good in this book!? Wait.....this one looks good......Instantaneous body switch through skin to skin contact. PERFECT!!! Now what do I need?" He quickly read through the ingredients. 

"Hmm.....I think I have all of these...."He started digging around in the cabinets and found the various ingredient that the spell called for. He picked up the book again to check the list.  

"Let's see.... I got the vinegar, the dog tongues, the clam dandruff, the redneck sweat, the moldy daisies, and the camel.....wait.....CRUD MONKEYS!!!!" He shouted as he hit himself in the head repeatedly with a spatula. 

"Stupid stupid stupid!!!!" I think I used the last of the camel spit in dinner LAST night! Dammit! And where the hell am I supposed to get three hairs from the tail of a monkey!? Wait I know! Time for a trip to the zoo!!!"  He laughed gleefully as he ran out the door.

Meanwhile, back at Piccolo's waterfall.....

Pixie laughed nervously.

"H-hi Piccy! What's up?"

Piccolo grinned evilly, picked Pixie up by her collar and hoisted her into the air.

"Well you are now," he sneered. "Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't just snap your neck and toss your body into that canyon over there." He nodded his head indicating the cavernous maw at the edge of the valley, most likely the result of a mis-fired ki blast.

Pixie gulped (which was an amazing feat since Piccolo was cutting off all of her oxygen) and desperately wracked her brain for an excuse to get herself out of this little predicament.

Suddenly she had a brilliant idea.

Stall.

"Awww, Piccy!" she said sweetly. "You wouldn't really kill me would you? Well not again any way...."

He grinned showing his fangs, grabbed her throat with his free hand, and began to squeeze.

"Urk! S-so maybe you would...."

"Damn right I would. Now I'm gonna give you to the count of five and if you don't give me a good reason, and I mean a REALLY good reason, then the next thing you will be doing is giving your regards to Enma Daiou. Got it?"

"_Shitshitshit..._" she thought to herself.         

"One..."

"Uh...I'm cute?"

"Two..." He tightened his grip.

"URK! The world will be a horrible place without me?"

He smirked. "Not for me it won't. Three."

"Kami will be really pissed off if you kill me?" she asked hopefully.

"HAH!! Kami couldn't care less about you! Why do you think he's making you eat Zarbon's cooking?! Four."

"Well..." Pixies eyes widened in terror. "Oh shit Piccy! LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!!!"

"Oh please! I'm not stupid enough to fall for tha-"

*SMACK*

A giant hairy ham-fist rammed Piccolo in the back of the head and he dropped  like a sack of potatoes to the ground....right on top of Pixie.

"Hey–*ugh* I didn't know you cared Piccy..." she said as she attempted to push his unconscious body off of her. "Jeez you're heavy! About time you went on a diet and laid off of all the cookies!" She managed to get out from under him, stood up, and started to brush herself off. She then turned to face her rescuer. 

Bubba....the lone surviving member of her original batch of chibi pixies.

"Eh...thanks for the assist Bubba. Nice timing too I might add."

"No prob boss. Just whistle when ya need me, 'kay?"

"Will do. Hey Bubba, is that a new tattoo?" she asked, gesturing to a giant red heart that said 'Mom'.

"Yeah it is but I gotta get it fixed. That moron mis-spelled it! He spelled it with only one 'o'!! Can you believe that!?"

Pixie sweat-dropped. "Uh....yeah, just imagine. Hey Bubba, while you're still here will you help me carry Piccy over to Spara and Zarbon's place? It's almost dinnertime and Kami gets really pissed off when I skip Zarbon's meals. He has the nerve to sentence me to 136 years of Zarbon's cooking and for what!? Just because I gave Dende a couple dozen boxes of Pixy Stix and he ended up having the mother of all sugar highs, I am forced to be slowly poisoned by carbon discs that Zarbon CLAIMS used to be pizza and his 'Mystery Surprise Casserole' that we had last night, which I might add tasted a lot like camel spit to me. Stupid Kami......thinks he's God or something....."

"Yeah sure. Glad to help." Bubba replied as she bent down to pick up the unconscious Namek and then slung him over her shoulder. 

They turned to leave. "Oh wait!" Pixie exclaimed as she picked up her camera. "Mustn't forget this now should we? Heh heh heh....."

Back at the house.....

*SLAM*

Zarbon stormed into the house. "Man this really bites." He said as he reached the kitchen. He had been to the zoo in an attempt to get the last two remaining ingredients for the spell. He took off his cape and wrung it out over a bowel and a bunch of goo slowly dripped out. 

"There. That takes care of the camel spit. Who knew that the camels ACTUALLY spit at you!? And I can't believe that they kicked me out of the zoo before I got to the monkey house." He sat down and sighed. "Now what am I going to do for the monkey hair?"

At that moment Spara walked into the room. "Hey Zarby." She went to the refrigerator and got a coke. "What are you doing?"

"Cooking." he replied absentmindedly.

"I think the better question is WHAT are you cooking." she said, wrinkling her nose at the contents of the pot simmering on the stove.

She took a sip from her coke and grimaced. "Oh BLECH! It's flat!" she exclaimed, her tail thrashing in annoyance.

Zarbon eyed her tail. _"Three hairs from the tail of a monkey? Meh, close enough_." He thought to himself.

Spara noticed him looking at her funny. "What's with you? You've got a strange look on your face..."

"Who me?" He asked as he innocently batted his eyes at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I hope dinner is almost ready 'cuz Pixie will be here pretty soon."

"Yeah yeah yeah. I'm almost done. There's just one more thing I need."

"Well hurry up and get it!" she said as she turned to leave.

"Hurry up and get it?" He grinned slyly. "Whatever you say." He grabbed her tail and quickly plucked the hairs he needed. She let out a shriek of surprise.

"Itai!! Zarbon that hurts! What the hell are you doing?!"

"Nothing." he said as he let go and her tail quickly wrapped itself around her waist. She muttered something about psychiatric help and stomped out of the kitchen.

"Hee hee! Now that she's gone and I have everything that I need I can finish this thing!" He cackled as he pulled out the spell book and the other ingredients for the spell. He got out a large pot and sat it on the stove next to their dinner. "Let's see¼ 'add together the camel spit, the redneck sweat, and the vinegar and bring to a boil'," he read aloud. " 'Then put the chopped dog tongue, the daisy mold, and the clam dandruff  in and stir counter clockwise thirty-seven times.' Oy." He did so and the potion started to change colors and boil. "Wow lookit that!" He returned to reading the book. " 'now add the three hairs one at a time and recite this incantation:

"Ytidiputs ta sti tsehgih level si a esruc esrow naht siht"

Suddenly the pot started to give off a strange blue light and began to boil violently.

"Ah crud monkeys!" Zarbon shouted as he ran to get a rag in case the pot boiled over. When he returned he was surprised to see that not only had the pot stopped boiling but had also changed to a clear liquid that looked like water.

"Whoa! Built in camouflage! Now it'll be a lot easier to slip into their food! Heh heh heh..."

He heard the doorbell ring just as he finished spiking the food. Spara went to open the door.

"Hiya guys!" Pixie said as she walked in followed by Bubba, who was still carrying an unconscious Piccolo.

"Er, hey Bubba." Spara said with a confused look on her face. She leaned over and whispered to Pixie, "I thought you destroyed all you're old chibi tachi?"

"I did." She whispered back. 'But Bubba survived somehow. I think maybe all the tattoos toughened her up or something."

"Ahhh..."

"Hey boss, where do you want me to drop Piccolo?" Bubba asked.

"Uh, anywhere I guess."

"Okay." She unceremoniously dropped him onto the floor. "Well if that's all you need me for right now I've gotta be going. I've got an appointment with Tony, my tattoo artist. See ya."

They all stared speechless after Bubba as she left. 

As soon as the door closed Zarbon groaned. "That pixie should NOT be allowed to wear a strapless dress."

"You're telling me! That's the hairiest damn pixie I have ever seen!" Spara exclaimed.

Pixie shrugged. "Well what can I tell ya? She just came out that way."

A groan came from Piccolo on the floor where Bubba had dropped him onto his head.

"Looks like Piccy is starting to wake up." Spara observed.

"Ow...shit.... Anybody get the number of that bus?" he asked as he sat up. He rubbed his head and looked around. "How the hell did I get here? The last thing I remember was a giant evil bunny was attacking me..." he stopped as he noticed the strange looks he was getting from the others. "Uh, never mind."

Pixie sighed with relief. "Well I guess he doesn't remember trying to kill me. Again."

"Wha...?" Spara asked.

 "Never mind. I'll tell ya later. Right now I'm hungry and I haven't had my daily dose of food poisoning yet. When's dinner?"

Zarbon grinned. "It's ready now if you want any."

"Do I have a choice?" Pixie asked as she led the way to the dining room.

"Nope not really."

"Hey, uh Piccy? You want some ice for the bump on your head?" Spara asked, concerned.

"I dunno....I guess...." he replied uncertainly.

"Okay," she said smiling. "You just sit down here next to Pixie and I'll go get you some."

"Yeah bring me some water too."

"I'll get it!" Zarbon jumped in. "I'll get the ice too!"

"Uh, okay." Spara said.

"Yeah you sit and I'll be right back with Piccolo's stuff and dinner 'kay? Good." He turned and headed for the kitchen. "Crud monkeys," he thought to himself. "I gotta put some of that stuff into some water for Piccolo."

After he had left Pixie turned to Spara. "What's with him?"

"I dunno. He's been acting weird all day. Earlier he ran off to the zoo and when he got home he just grabbed my tail for no apparent reason." 

"Yeah Piccy here got spooked by an itty bitty widdle bunny wabbit today and I got it all on film!" Pixie said triumphantly.

"You did?" Spara asked, surprised. "Wow, its amazing you're still alive!"

"Well not for Piccy's lack of trying. Bubba just intervened by clocking him in the back of the head before he could finish me off. 

"Well Bubba must have really hit him hard! You guys have been here at least a full five minuets and he hasn't tried to kill you yet!" She looked over at Piccolo who was holding his head in his hands, moaning.

"Just give me a few minutes," Piccolo said. "Just as soon as I stop seeing four of you Pixie is as good as dead."

"I love you too Piccy." She said, winking at him.

He just growled at her.

"Well I don't know," Spara began. "I think Zarbon is up to something."

"Yeah you could be ri–Dear sweet Kami in Heaven! What is that smell!? Did a sewer pipe explode!?!?"

Spara grimaced. "If only. That smell my friend, is dinner."

"You've got to be joking! Please say you are joking............"

" 'fraid not." Spara said as Zarbon entered with the pot of food. He sat it down on the table and everyone just stared at it speechless. Finally Pixie spoke up.

"Zarbon sweetie, congratulations. I think you have just succeeded in cooking something a Saiyajin wouldn't even eat.

"Um....nope! I'll still eat it!" Spara said as she dipped herself some.

"I don't get it Spara. You aren't being forced to eat Zarbon's cooking and yet you still do. What's with that?"

Spara shrugged. "I dunno, you just kinda get used to it after awhile." She took a bite and gagged. "Eh... I take it back." she said as she pushed her plate away. "He has cooked something I won't eat."

Pixie groaned. "If a Saiyajin can't even eat this stuff what hope do I have?" She glared at Zarbon. "And why aren't you eating?"

Zarbon snorted. "Nowhere did Kami ever say I had to eat my own cooking. I ordered pizza."

"Hey no fair! So I'm gonna be the only one eating this toxic waste!?

"Looks like." Zarbon grinned. He wasn't stupid enough to actually eat any of this food because he knew what was in it.

"Hey blue boy! Where the hell is my water!?"

"Oh yeah! Here you go." Zarbon said as he handed Piccolo a glass of water.

"About damn time." Piccolo said as he took the glass from Zarbon and  took a sip. "The hell?! This tastes funny!"

            "It's......uh....mineral water! Yeah that's it! Only the best for you Piccolo!"

            "Whatever." Piccolo said crossly. He downed the rest of the glass in one gulp.

            "Heh heh heh…. two down, one to go." Zarbon thought to himself. He looked over at Pixie and saw that she was only playing with her food.

            "C'mon Pix, you gotta eat it. Kami will be really pissed off if you don't and will probably add to your sentence."

            "But it's disgusting!" Pixie whined. "Besides I don't think I can eat something while it's watching me." She said dryly as she held up a newt eye for all to see.

            "Oh so that's what I choked on. Zarbon I thought I told you to stop shopping at that new age health food store." Spara said, glaring at him.

            "Why should I? Its right next to my favorite nail salon."

            Piccolo snorted. "Zarbon you are such a frikkin priss y'know that?"

            Zarbon just stuck his tongue out at him.

            Pixie sighed. "Okay I'm going in." She tentatively took a bite. "Its…….. um……..yeah…" She swallowed and pushed her plate away. "Well that's it for me. Man I hate Kami. He knows I would rather starve to death than eat this stuff!"

            "Is that true Pix?"

            "Well no…….because if I died you would probably just wish me back and then I would be right back in the situation I was in before, wishing I were dead."

            "Damn she found me out." Zarbon said jokingly.

            Spara glanced over at Piccolo and saw he had a pained expression on his face. "Aw c'mon Piccolo, Zarbon's joke wasn't that bad was it?"

            "N-no it's not that….I just…UH!" He clutched his stomach and doubled over in pain.

            "Piccy what's wrong?!" Pixie asked, concerned.

            "Stomach…..pain…" Piccolo muttered and he started slipping out of his chair. Pixie grabbed his arm to brace him and where their skin touched a blue light began to spread throughout their bodies.

            "The hell--!?" Was all Pixie was able to say before she and Piccolo were completely engulfed by the light and were suddenly blown apart and embedded into opposite walls of the dining room.

            "Pixie!" Spara shouted as she leapt over the table to help her friend.

            "No Spara don't!" Zarbon yelled as Spara reached for Pixie. He grabbed her arm and realized his mistake a split second too late as the blue light began to engulf his and Spara's bodies.

            "Zarbon what's—" Before Spara could even finish her question the light became painfully bright. 

            Zarbon released a silent scream as a  gut wrenching pain gripped him and he felt as though his very soul were being ripped from his body. He had a sudden feeling of disorientation, as thought he were suddenly some where he wasn't supposed to be. His last conscious thought was, "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have taste tested the food before I served it." And with a final blinding flash of light, he blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2: Who's who?

And Kami Said, "Let There Be Stupidity."

Ch 2

                        The next thing Zarbon knew was that he had a splitting headache. "Oh….shit….." He opened his eyes and saw…

His own face staring back at him.

            "What the hell?!" 

He saw his face sneer at him.

            Zarbon felt himself being easily lifted out of a pile of rubble and was held face to face with himself. He stared into his own golden eyes and saw them flash with anger.

            "Oh Zarbon sweetie? You are in deep shit now."

            "Uh oh…..hey…Spara?"

            "You got that right." She said, eyes narrowing. "You are so lucky you are in my body or else you would probably be dead right now."

            Zarbon looked down at himself and saw that was indeed he was in Spara's body. He gave the tail a test twitch. "Heh heh heh…good news for me I suppose. Now would please put me down now?"

            She sneered at him again and promptly dropped him on his ass.

            "Ouch! Geez… you may not want to kill your body but you don't seem to have any vices about hurting it."

            "Heh, my body heals rather fast. Death however is a little more difficult to recover from." She said as she turned away from him.

            "Uh huh…ah, where's Pixie and Piccolo?" he asked as he stood up and brushed himself off.

            "Pixie woke up first before all of us and Piccolo hasn't regained consciousness yet. I Can't wait to see how pissed he's gonna be."

            Zarbon looked up and saw Piccolo-- er, now Pixie, walking out of the kitchen carrying the spell book.

            "Lets see…body transfer…body transfer…" she looked up and saw that Zarbon was now conscious and smiled at him.

            "Glad to see you are finally back with us Zarby. Now maybe you will be able to show me just EXACTLY which one of these spells you used."

            "Wha….? There was more than one type of transfer spell?" Zarbon asked, amazed.

            Spara groaned and looked down at herself. "You mean we're gonna be stuck this way until Zarbon remembers which spell it was he used?"

            "Looks like." Pixie said, smiling.

            "You know you don't look HALF as upset right now as you really should be." Spara said crossly.

            Pixie just grinned even more, showing her fangs. "Oh you have no idea how much I am really enjoying this. This is like the ultimate payoff for me!"

            "Ultimate payoff.....?"

            "Oh defiantly! I now control Piccolo! I can make him do anything I want! There are endless possibilities for embarrassment!" 

            "Hmph, I'm sure. Well you might be enjoying this but I'm not! Just look at me! I'm a frikkin fruit!!" And that being said, she ripped off her cape and wrapped it around her waist.

            "Hey! What do you think you are doing!? That was my favorite cape!" Zarbon shouted.

            "Bite me Zarby. Its your own fault for being so bloody fruity that you have to wear a Speedo all the damn time! I'm gonna go find some jeans." And with that, she stormed out of the room.

            "What's her problem?" Pixie asked.

            Zarbon sighed. "Hormones. Unfortunately for her my body, having multiple forms, also has a very complex body chemistry, including several different sets of hormones. She just hasn't learned to cope with all of them yet."

            "Yeah... when she first awakened she was having trouble standing up. I thought it was because she was still dizzy from being knocked into the wall but it turns out she just isn't used to balancing without a tail."

            "Really? This thing is that important?" Zarbon asked as he fingered the length of fur wrapped around his waist.

            "I guess so." Pixie said as she sat next to her still unconscious body. "Y'know I hope Piccy doesn't do anything rash when he wakes up and finds himself in my body."

            "Fuu. Like what?"

            "Uh, I don't know....like kill himself?"

            "Eh, good point. I wouldn't worry much though. He won't be able to do much in that weak body."

            "Well yeah but–HEY!! That's my body you are talking about!"

            "I know. And its weak." Zarbon stated plainly.

            "Well it's not my fault pixies are weak. That's why we have chibi armies."

            Zarbon just sat there watching Pixie for a few moments. Even thought he knew it was Pixie on the inside it still looked like Piccolo on the outside and it was highly amusing to see the Namek pout.

            A few minutes later Spara came back into the room wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

            Zarbon looked surprised. "Wow I actually HAVE jeans?"

            "No, I had to make a quick trip to the store to get these. Oh and two things. One, don't let me dig around in your room EVER again. I found things in there that would make Roshi blush. And two, remind me to have a talk with you about ALL of your credit cards."

            "Oh...heh heh....you found those did you?"

            "Well no duh." She said as she pulled out his wallet, opened it, and a string of credit cards five feet long cascaded out and fell to the floor.

            "Wow.....there's more plastic there than in Pamela Anderson Lee!" Pixie exclaimed in awe. "Boy would my chibi's love to get their hands on those!"       

            Zarbon grinned sheepishly. "Well what did you expect from me? A girl has to have the necessities."

            "But you aren't a girl!!" 

            "Do you deny that this body is female?"

            "No that's not what I meant and you know it!" she shouted at him.

            Before Zarbon could reply there was a groan from Piccolo's side of the room.

            "Looks like sleeping beauty is finally waking up." Said Pixie as she knelt next to Piccolo.

            "Uh.......my head......" Piccolo groaned as he sat up. "Oh, man you guys wouldn't believe the dream I had! I dreamed Zarbon's kooky cooking made us all trade bodies with each other and the worst part was I got Pixie's......Why are you all looking at me like that?" He looked around the room seeing first Spara's look of slight annoyance, Zarbon's look of utter amusement, and finally.....

            "Oh no......nonononononononononononononononononono........ PLEASE tell me that is Nail out for a bit of fresh air! "

            "Nope sorry Piccy." Spara said as she sat next to him. "You're in Pixie's body and she's in yours. Same way Zarby and I traded bodies."

            "S-spara?" Piccolo asked, somewhat amazed.

            "Yup its me."

            "But how?" he asked.

            "Just as you said. Zarbon's cooking." she said as she glared at Zarbon.

            "So wait, I wanna get this straight. You, " He said, pointing to Spara, "The guy with the blue skin is Spara?"

            She nodded.

            "And you," he continued, "the chick with the tail is Zarbon?"

            He nodded.

            "And that," he said finally, indicating Pixie, "dashing specimen of a Namek, is the ever present thorn in my side, Pixie?!?!" 

            They all sweat dropped.

            "So I get 'the guy with the blue skin, Zarby gets 'the chick with the tail', and Pixie gets 'the dashing specimen of a Namek'? Ego much?"

            "And this little predicament is Zarbon's fault?" Piccolo asked.

            "Yeah. Point?" Zarbon asked.

            Piccolo just looked at him in silence for a few awkward moments. He then stood up and faced Zarbon. 

            "My point? My point dear Zarbon is I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!" He lunged at Zarbon but Spara jumped in, blocking his way.

            "No Piccolo! He's in my body and if you kill him then I'm gonna be stuck this way for the rest of my life!"

            "I don't care!" Piccolo shouted as he tried to get by her. "I must kill him before his stupidity kills us all!!" He managed to evade her and tackled Zarbon, pinning him to the ground.

            "Hey! A little help here!?" Zarbon exclaimed as Piccolo wrapped his hands around Zarbon's throat.

            "Feh, you're a Saiyajin you can take care of him yourself." Spara said, with a wee hint of contempt in her voice. She stepped away from them and folded her arms across her chest to watch.

            "Oh right." Zarbon said and he started to charge up.

            "No! Don't take care of him!" Pixie shouted as she pulled Piccolo off of Zarbon. "That's my body and I would like to keep it in one piece!" 

            Piccolo struggled in vain against his own body's iron grip. "Dammit Zarbon! Of all the shit you have pulled on us in the past, the cookies that transformed us into Pokemon, the mind control juice, the viagra laced senzu–– well actually that wasn't so bad–– but the point is that out of all of that, this is the absolute worst!"

            "Really? I don't think its so bad."Zarbon replied, tail twitching in amusement. 

            "Of course you don't think its so bad! You're not stuck in the weak ass body of a friggin pixie!!" Piccolo shouted .

            "Hey watch it Piccy. You wouldn't want to be seen in public doing something horrendously embarrassing would you?"

            "You wouldn't dare!!"

            Pixie grinned. "Watch me."

            Spara snickered. "Piccy sweetie you really don't know her that well. She will go to any lengths to get her revenge. I know of a certain former Japanese teacher who has just joined the NRA (national rifles/guns Association) to keep her away from him."

            "The NRA.....I never thought of that! I could have gotten away from her years ago!" Piccolo exclaimed.

            "Hardly. Check under your shirt." Pixie said.

            Piccolo quickly glanced down the collar of the shirt. "Well I'll be damned..... a bullet proof vest. So that's why you felt heavier when I picked you up today. I though it was just because you were getting fa– "

            *SMACK*

            "Finish that sentence and you will regret it for the rest of your life." Pixie snapped.

            "Ow.........so that's what pain feels like....."

            "And I went easy on you. You never did that for me. The only reason you aren't spitting teeth at the moment is because of our current body situation." Pixie said sweetly.

            "Okay, okay I get the message. Will you put me down now?"

            "Do you promise not to kill Zarbon?" She asked.

            "Yeah I promise I won't kill Zarbon. At least not until we get our right bodies back."

            "Meh, close enough." she said as she set him on the ground.

            Spara yawned. "Okay guys Its late at night and I don't know about the rest of you but I'm tired and want to go to bed. Now unless Zarbon and Pixie can come up with an antidote in about five minutes I propose that Pix and Piccy stay here for the night."

            "Good idea! But I can't get the antidote until Zarbon remembers which one of these spells he used." Pixie said.

            "Well can't you just use one of the standard reverse spells?" Piccolo asked.

            "Nope. Already tried it. Something must have been wrong with the first spell. The reverse spell just made us woozy and didn't work."

            "What?! I did everything right for the first spell!" Zarbon said indignantly.

            "Well did you use a substitution for one of the ingredients?" Pixie asked.

            "N-no, not really…" Zarbon said nervously.

            "Zarbon……"

            "Hell monkey hair is monkey hair." He muttered to himself as he fiddled with his tail.

            Pixie perked up. "Did you say monkey hair?"

            Zarbon nodded.

            "Well that particular ingredient should narrow down the spells to a few if not one!" Pixie said excitedly. She grabbed up the spell book and quickly began flipping through the pages. "Monkey hair…..monkey hair…..lets see." Pixie mumbled. "Ah here it is! Page 152, body transference. " She began reading the page. Piccolo snickered.

            "Your lips move when you read Pix."

            She glared at him. "Need I remind you that, in fact, they are your lips that are moving?" 

            Piccolo paled. "Uh, never mind."

            "That's what I thought." she said as she returned to her reading. "Uh oh…" Pixie muttered. "Oh this is not good…"

            "I really don't like the sound of that." Spara said.

            Pixie finished the page and looked up from the book, eyes wide. She was silent for several minutes, continuing to stare off into space as though contemplating an idea slightly beyond her grasp.

            "Uh, helloooooo?" Zarbon said, waving his hand in front of her face, "Earth to Pixie!" He shouted into her ear.

            She snapped out of it and just blinked at him, a confused look on her face.

            "You okay? He asked.

            "Well no, not really…"She said. "I have good news and bad news."

            "Oh great. A lot of horror movies have that phrase somewhere in them." Piccolo muttered.

            "Yeah....but so do a lot of great jokes." Zarbon said, stifling laughter.

            "I'm serious!" Pixie snapped.

            "Jeez, it must be really bad news." Spara said rather unenthusiastically.

            Pixie sighed. "The GOOD news is that the transfer is not permanent. The bad news is, it WILL be."

            "What do you mean it will be?!" Piccolo shouted.

            "Just listen to what it says:

                        "Unto the fools who invoke this curse,

                          Fear not for the spell can be reversed.

                          But first a warning to one and all,

                          For should upon thine eyes the light of a full moon fall,

                          Not only shall your bodies be forever lost,

                          But your very existence it will cost."

            An eerie silence settled onto the room as the meaning of the last line fully sunk in.

            "Well that's just peachy friggin keen." Piccolo said, breaking the tension. "Not only am I stuck in a living nightmare but now I find out that I just might not be able to wake up from it!? Great. That's just really friggin great."

            "Cheer up Piccolo. It just means that we have until the next full moon to complete the reversal spell right Pixie?" Zarbon asked.

            "Well yeah, but there is another problem. Not only was this spell a body switch, it was soul switch. In essence a COMPLETE switch. Body, mind, and soul. A spell that messes with souls is sticky business. Even the most skilled of Pixies has trouble fathoming the complications that could arise from such a transfer. Hell, I can't even do it!"

            "Heh heh heh......I guess that means I'm a better pixie than you are." Zarbon said, grinning.

            "No Zarbon sweetie its called dumb luck." Spara said.

            "Extremely dumb! Zarbon didn't you read all the warnings about this spell!? Did it even occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't have messed around with a spell this dangerous!?!" Pixie shouted.      

            "Well yeah. I'm not completely dumb! I knew it was dangerous! That's why I wasn't planning on using it on myself."

            "So its okay to experiment on your friends!?" Piccolo shouted.

            "W-we're friends Piccolo?" Zarbon asked, somewhat taken aback. "THAT'S SO SWEET!" he shouted as he grabbed Piccolo up into a bear hug.

            "Ah! You're crushing my spine!" Piccolo gasped.

            "Hee hee, sorry Piccolo." Zarbon said as he let him go.

            Piccolo collapsed onto the couch, gasping for air. "*wheeze*Damn*gasp* you! I think you bent one of my wings!" 

            "He better not have! It took me hours to get them straight after the last time Piccolo bent them!" 

            Spara yawned. "That's all well and good, but seriously I don't feel well. I'm kind dizzy and really need to get some sleep."

            "Well you do look a few shades of blue lighter than you ought to." Zarbon remarked.

            "Oh yeah, there are some possible side effects to the transfer, dizziness and fatigue being some of them." Pixie said.

            "Yeah, don't worry about it Spara-chan. You just go to bed. I'll get these two set up for the night and we can finish the matter of a reversal spell tomorrow." Zarbon said.

            Spara just nodded and turned and walked straight into the wall. "Damnit!" She said as she held her nose and stumbled into her room.

            "You know I'm starting to feel a bit woozy too." Piccolo said as he sat on the couch.

            "Yeah, look I'm sorry about this you guys," Zarbon began. "I really didn't intend for it to get out of hand like it did. I'll go get some blankets and pillows for you two. You guys can fight over who gets the couch. Frankly I don't care." He left to retrieve the blankets and Pillows. Pixie and Piccolo eyed each other.

            "Well since I'm already on the couch I might as well stay here. You can have the recliner Pix." Piccolo said as he stretched out on the couch.

            "Like hell Piccolo! You just get your little Pixie ass up off of that couch! I'm bigger and need more room to sleep."

            "Feh. If it bothers you so much why don't you just levitate because my Pixie ass, as you so charmingly put it, is staying right where it is." he replied.

            "Levitate!? I can't levitate!"

            "Sure you can. Just concentrate your ki and push off of the ground. It's easy. A child could do it." He yawned and turned over.

            "Levitate. I can't levitate! If I could levitate then why would I have wings?!"

            The only answer she received from Piccolo were snores.

            Pixie sighed. "That is just like him." She thought to herself.

            Zarbon walked back in with an armload of pillows and blankets and dumped them into a chair.

            "There ya go." He said. "I'm beginning to not feel so hot myself so I'm going to bed too."

            "Hey Zarbon wait. Will you show me how to levitate?"

            "Levitate? Why?" He asked.

            "So I can sleep. Piccolo is hogging the couch and I need something bigger than the recliner."

            "You wanna levitate in your sleep? I can't even do that! I did try it once though but I made the mistake of trying it about 500 feet up in the air. I woke up in a crater." Zarbon said. "That was not a fun day."

            "I'm sure. Now I don't really want to try it."

            "Suit yourself. I'm going to bed." Zarbon said as he turned to leave. "Oh, and before I forget, don't go into the kitchen. You WILL regret it."

            "Gee thanks for the warning." She said as he left. "Well now what am I going to do?" She heard Piccolo muttering something in his sleep and turned just in time to see him roll off the couch. He hit the carpet with a dull thud and started muttering something about Chibi Quatre being in league with the Easter Bunny. Pixie snickered and Piccolo curled up and went back to sleep.

            "I guess that solves that problem." She picked up a pillow and blanket from the pile in the chair and stepped over the unconscious Piccolo. She stretched out on the couch but couldn't get to sleep despite the fact that she too was experiencing the tedious side effects of the spell. "Zarbon you moron, you've gotten us into more trouble than you know." She thought to herself as she stared up at the dark ceiling. "If you only knew how hard its gonna be to fix this mess you would have never have been so stupid as to attempt such a dangerous spell. But then again stupidity is why you did it, isn't it? Ah well, you wouldn't be Zarbon if you didn't do these kinds of things. Unfortunately you won't be yourself much longer. None of us will..."

            And with that final thought, blessed sleep finally overtook her brooding mind.


	3. Morning Madness

**And Kami Said, "Let There Be Stupidity."**

**Chapter 3**

By: Spara 

Spara stumbled to her room, leaving the others behind to decide what to do. Something was wrong and it was more than the mere fact that she now inhabited the body of a mad man. 

"I will kill him this time. I swear I really will." She muttered. "And it won't even be considered a sin. He's a danger to all of humanity. That's it. A danger to humanity..." She grinned a rather psychotic grin and suddenly the world did an ungraceful flip-flop and she was forced to stop and close her eyes. She groaned. "I so had plans this week. But nooo! Now I have to sit at home trying all of the horrid little concoctions that Pix and Zarbon come up with in an effort to fix this debacle. " 

After a minute, her head cleared enough to continue to her room. She opened the door and stumbled in. At this moment her head again decided to let her know how cranky it was by feeling like it was trying to escape via her forehead.  "Not cool, not cool, not cool, not cool…" She chanted while waiting for the pain to subside. Finally it did and she quickly walked the remaining few feet to the bed and just collapsed onto it. She curled up into a little ball and was thankful for her recent purchase of a full sized bed since her current body was much larger than her own. Since moving seemed to be what triggered her headaches, she lay completely still. She slowly dozed off like that dreaming of ways she could kill the hapless Zarbon if all should ever be restored to its natural order.

Not too long after she had dozed off she heard her door slowly creak open. She didn't open her eyes. Silently the intruder padded across the floor towards where she lay on her side. "Damnit," she thought. "This is so not the time…" She pretended to still be asleep in hopes the intruder would leave. She felt a hand caress her leg. No such luck.

            "I'm going to give you the count of three to leave or so help me I will maul you." She said, without opening her eyes. 

            Her intruder laughed.

            Christ. It was Zarbon. Spara still didn't move for fear of prompting another headache.

            "Come one baby," Zarbon cooed. "You're a man, I'm a woman. Lets not resist our animal urges."

            Spara sighed and sat up. "One." She said, glaring at Zarbon. She pulled back her fist, ready to strike.

            "Tut, tut, tut, Spara-kins. You wouldn't want to hurt your own little self would you? I mean I would hate to return damaged goods to you." He smiled slyly. He though he had her.

            "Two." She aimed her fist at her own face.

            Zarbon's eyes grew wide. "You wouldn't dare!"

            Spara's eyes slitted. "Oh wouldn't I. It would be such a shame to break this perfect little nose of yours. 

            "But it'll hurt you. You wouldn't hurt yourself would you?" His eyes were wide with fear.

            "I can take it. Th—"She began.

            Zarbon gasped. "No! Nonono! Not my nose! I love my nose! Just the way it is! Don't break it!" 

            Spara sighed. "Look jackass, just leave me alone, okay? You have caused more than enough trouble for the day. I have a headache that would stop a charging rhino in its tracks."

            "A headache, eh? I can fix that." He smiled. 

            "Eh…no thanks. I think I'll suffer through." Spara said. 

            "Oh don't be silly!" In one lightening fast move he had Spara flipped and on her stomach.

            "Gah! What the hell!?" Spara sputtered as Zarbon pressed her face into a pillow.

            "Jeeze, just relax. I know some pressure points on the back that will get rid of the headache. I get them all the time." He swept aside her braid and began pressing specific area's on her neck and slowly moving down her spinal chord. "You know, you really ought to undo your hair before going to bed. If you don't it'll be all crinkly in the morning and harder to re-braid."

            Muffled from where her face was stuck in a pillow. "Gee thanks for the advice."

            "But then again I suppose you don't know that much about hair care," He continued, "Since your hair is too matted to do anything with." He gave her back one final poke and allowed Spara to sit up.

            "Hey….that's a lot better. " Spara said. "Is that why you are always punching yourself in the back?"

"Yeah. Shiatsu treatments. I checked out a book in the library." Zarbon said, grinning.

"Ah….that explains a lot. I thought you were just having a seizure or something. Hmm.. You learn something new everyday I suppose. Now get out."

            "And thus the thanks I get." Zarbon sighed dramatically. 

            "Don't make me kick you."

            "Fine, I'll go. But just remember, I could have had my way with you if I wanted to." He pouted. "I just consider us better friends than lovers." He turned and left, his tail swishing in an enticing way.

            Spara groaned. "I must remember to lock the door. That perv is so obsessed with himself." She knew that this was not going to be the last of his midnight visitations. There was a study done by psychology professors that proved that the person most attractive to a subject is one who looks similar to if not identical to the subject themselves. Now that mating with himself was literally an option he would be driven to try. She had a long, long week ahead.

            She walked back to the bed and sprawled across it. True her headache was gone but now there was a dull gnawing in the pit of her stomach. Something was coming. She yawned. 

"Only time will tell." She rolled over and closed her eyes. 

After a moment she sat up, unbraided her hair and began brushing it out.

            "Curse him, he's right. It would be easier to re-braid if it's not all kinky…" 

***

Back on Tenkai…

            "Eeexcellent…" Kami said Mr. Burns-like, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "Everything is coming together just as I planned….."

            Mr. Popo scoffed. "Plan? What plan? You've just been up here giggling and taking credit for Zarbon's stupidity."

            Kamisama slowly turned, ancient bones creaking and snapping and glared daggers at Popo. "YOU DARE TO QUESTION MY UTMOST AUTHORITY!!??"

            "Every day I'm forced to breath." Mr. Popo stated flatly.

            "Eh… okay then. And don't you forget it." Kami turned back to face the Earth. Ah, there was life stirring on ground zero. Time now to see what the new day would bring. Kami giggled gleefully once more and Mr. Popo rolled his eyes. 

            "Of all the mortals on earth," Popo muttered, "Why did the fates deem this one appropriate for the mantle of Guardian." He watched as Kami stared hungrily at the surface of the Earth.  It was true that previous Kami's had gotten bored at points but they had all become alcoholics. This one had become a psychotic megalomaniac whose only barrier between himself and ruling the Earth was the fact that there was a cosmic rule of noninterference. A rule, Popo had to remind himself, that Kami tested with each and every action. This latest debacle was stretching the limits of even EnmaDaiou's patience. The spell that Zarbon had invoked was almost forbidden save for the fact that there was no one stupid enough to invoke it. Until Kami implanted the idea of mischief into Zarbon's mind. 

 Popo sighed. Only time would tell on this one.

Back at the house…

            A harsh evil light accosted Pixies eyes. She hissed like a vampire. "No…not the sun. I hate the sun. Sun means morning." She opened her eyes and was momentarily blinded. He green taloned hand reached up and rubbed her eyes. Wait… green taloned hand? 

"What the-!?" She sputtered. "Oh, right…Zarbon's an idiot." She rubbed her eyes again and stretched. She glanced at the floor where Piccolo in her frail little pixie body lay, curled up in the fetal position sucking on his thumb.

"Aww! How cute!" She snatched up her camera and prepared to take a picture to forever immortalize this incredibly funny moment when she realized that it would actually be more damaging to herself.

"Curse you Namek. You have the devil's luck." She muttered to herself.

"Perhaps that is because I AM the devil." Piccolo grumbled from the floor.

Pixie jumped in surprise. "Oh! Piccy you're awake!" 

"Hell yeah I'm awake." Piccolo grumbled as he sat up and brushed the long red hair out of his face. "With all the noise you were making who could sleep."

"Mou, but Piccy I wasn't making any noise." She pouted.

Piccolo regarded his annoying stalker with disdain. "Look you little freak of a fey, if you are going to be me for awhile then you need to get your act together. No pouting! You make me look weak!" He stood up to his entire 5 foot 2 inches, arms crossed and his typical glower plastered onto Pixies cute little round face. One of his little insect-like antenna was a bit kinked from sleeping on it and it bobbed at an odd angle.

"Awww!" Pixie squealed. "You are soooooo cute! Damnit I wish I knew how you were able to beat me up so much! You must really be a cold heartless bastard." 

Piccolo rolled his eyes. "I most certainly am not a cold heartless bastard. I simply have personal space issues that you don't want to acknowledge. "

"Eh, if you say so Piccy." Pixie stood up and tried to run her hands through her hair and failed miserably since her head was stark shiny bald. "This is gonna take some getting used to."

"No no no no. No getting used to." Piccolo sputtered hysterically. "No, you're going to fix us all today or so help me I'm going to kill myself."

"No you won't." Pixie stated. "Because if you do that then I'll be dead, and uh…I'll be you and Spara will be a madman and Zarbon will be a girl and he'll enjoy that entirely too much."

Piccolo's eyes grew wide. "Ye gods, you're right! We can't let him be the only one who comes out on top in this whole thing!" He shouted.

"Exactly!" Pixie said. "He'll parade around in Spara's body, taking it to nightclubs and bars letting greasy men touch it just so he can get a free drink out of them! And then he'll go and buy tube tops! Yeah lots of gaudy tube tops! The one item of clothing that he as a male cannot legitimately wear!"

"Oh god! Not tube tops! That whore!" 

 "Yeah. Tube tops." She nodded emphatically antenna bobbling.

At that moment Zarbon, clad in Spara's body entered the room. 

"Eh? What is all this I hear about tube tops?" Zarbon asked. He was clothed in a purple halter-top and blue jeans with a smattering of sequins on them. 

"Wow." Pixie began. "That outfit is quite sedate for you." 

"Oh? You like it?" He spun around and his blond spiky hair flew around his head in a halo of gold. "Yeah, I decided that since I'm wearing a borrowed body I'd need to take care of it, you know. Wear what she would wear."

"She threatened you with bodily harm, didn't she?" Piccolo said.

"Yup, yup, yup. You know I always thought that I was a morning person but she sure proved me wrong."

"Where is she right now?" Piccolo asked.

"Oh, she's still in bed. I tried to get her up but she growled at me and then threatened to eat my face if I didn't leave her alone. See? Defiantly not a morning person." Zarbon said.

Piccolo chuckled. "Ah, you can take the girl out of the Saiyajin but you can't take the Saiyajin out of the girl." 

"Indeed." Zarbon said. "So, who's up for food?" He asked cheerily.

"I'm starving!" Piccolo shouted. The others turned stare at his sudden outburst.

 "Eh, that was weird. But I am. Like really, really hungry. I mean that is what this gnawing burning sensation is in my stomach, right? Hunger?" He looked at Pixie and Zarbon. 

They exchanged a glance.

"Erm, yeah Piccy. That's what hunger is." Pixie said. "Y'know now that you mention it I'm kinda hungry too."

Piccolo scoffed. "I highly doubt that."

"Oh, and why not?" Pixie asked indignantly.

"Because my ignorant pseudo-namek, you can't eat. You drink. Water. That's it." Piccolo grinned.

"W-what?" Pixie asked astonished. "How could I not know that?!"

"Well, if you would have paid more attention to me as a person and not just waiting for me to do something embarrassing so you could exploit it for your own personal gain you would have known that. I mean why do you think I hang out by a waterfall all the time? Eh?"

Pixie shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I just thought that you hung out there so you wouldn't have far to go when you had to pee."

"Huh…that's an interesting idea…" Piccolo murmured to himself, "Then I wouldn't have to keep going to get the key for the bathroom from that oily gas station attendant…" 

"You have got to be kidding me! You fly to a gas station to use the bathroom?" Pixie asked in shock. 

"Well yea-hey! Shut up! You can't eat! So, HAH!!" Piccolo smiled smugly.

"Oh God, you're right. I can't eat…just water for the rest of my life…" Her eyes were wide.

"Yess… nothing but water." He grinned, relishing in her imminent disappointment.

"YESS! JUST WATER!!" She shouted, pumping her fist in the air.

"What the-you can't possibly tell me that you are happy about that!?" Piccolo asked in astonishment.

"Hell yeah I'm happy about that! No more of Zarbon's horrendous cooking!!" She giggled and clapped her hands.

"Christ. What did I tell you about getting your act together, huh? No more giggling unless you do it maliciously."

"Hey my cooking isn't that bad." Zarbon stated indignantly.

"Well no, not at first." Pixie said.  "At first it was at least made out of things that were edible. Recently though, I think you just stopped even trying. I mean you started cooking out of the Pixie Spell book for chrissakes."

"Yeah, you have a point." He scratched his head. "I dunno why I had the sudden urge to cook out of that thing. I mean it wasn't even a special occasion. Last year at thanksgiving I accidentally re-animated the turkey and let me tell you," he chuckled, "it was one pissed off fowl when it woke up with my hand up its ass." He grinned and leaned against the doorframe, tail swishing slightly and a distant expression on his face as he reminisced.

Piccolo leaned over to Pixie. "Eh, it is quite frightening the things that make him happy." 

Pixie nodded. "What's even more frightening is the fact that Spara is being tainted as we speak.

"Hell, if you don't hurry and get this fixed then we're going to have two of them on our hands." Piccolo said frantically.

"And how. She's already got her own flavor of crazy. Compounded with his, she'll be a psychopath." Pixie said, fear edging her voice.

"What?" Piccolo asked, turning to face her. "I thought that Spara was pretty stable. I mean she was chosen as Zabon's guardian."

Pixie snickered. "She was chosen for two reasons. First of all, they knew each other before he died and secondly she's skewed just enough so as to not be driven insane by his antics."

"Jeez, you're right." Piccolo said. "If she hasn't been driven insane from living with him for 4 years now then she can't be all there."

Pixie nodded emphatically. "And how."

Zarbon began to stir. "Ah…good times, good times." He murmured. He shook his head. "Oh, yeah, we were talking about food, weren't we? I'm so hungry I think I could eat an elephant."

"I'll bet." Piccolo muttered.

"Oh!" Zarbon jumped. "I CAN eat an elephant! I'm a Saiyajin! I can eat whatever the hell I want! There is a god!"

"Uh, yeah there's a god." Pixie said. "You've met him, you know the guy that looks like a moldy old peanut? Goes by the name of Kami? The bane of my existence?" 

Zarbon just blinked at her. 

Pixie sighed. "You know that guy in the muumuu that lives on the giant salad bowl floating around the sky?"

"Oh yeah! Him! You know, somebody really needs to tell him that muumuus are for old ladies who play bingo and have poodles." Zarbon said, shaking his head. "God, I hate poodles…" 

"Note to self," Piccolo muttered, "Get poodles. Lots of poodles."

"Hardy har har. " Zarbon said. "Food. Yes, I'll go whip something up in the kitchen." He turned to leave.

"NO!!" Pixie and Piccolo screamed simultaneously, eyes wide with horror at the prospect of another of Zarbon's surprises.

"Whaaaat?" Zarbon rolled his eyes. "I mean its not like I'd use the spell book three meals in a row."

Pixie narrowed her eyes. "Two. You mean two meals in a row."

"Hell no! I mean I wouldn't use it three meals in a row. I'd definitely use it in two. No question." Zarbon crossed his arms and nodded emphatically.

The others sweat dropped.

"I think I'd rather go to the IHOP down the street." Pixie said. "Besides we need to leave the kitchen alone. You know, preserving the scene of the crime."

"Okay!" Zarbon said cheerily. "I didn't want to do any cleaning anyway. Ah, but what about Spara? We really shouldn't leave her here all alone."

"Well then why don't you go get her up?" Piccolo asked.

"I tried that already, remember? She threatened to eat my face…" Zarbon said.

"Oh, right…" Piccolo said. He turned and fwacked Pixie on the back of the head.

"Hey! What did I do?" Pixie said, rubbing her head.

"That's for having a silly ditzy body that can't remember more than 4 minutes worth of information at a time."

Pixie started giggling. 

"What the hell is so damn funny?" Piccolo growled.

"When you hit me, it didn't hurt at-Ooh! Sparkly bug!" She shouted, eyes wide as she rushed across the room to examine a beetle that was walking up the wall.

"Whelp," Zarbon clapped Piccolo on the back, "At least we know that its not her body that's ditzy."

"Yay…" Piccolo grumbled.

"Okay, well you tear Pixie away from her new bug friend and I'll go get Spara up for breakfast, okay?" Zarbon said, as he turned towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms.

"Yeah, whatever…" Piccolo said as he wandered over towards where Pixie was cooing over the poor confused little insect.

***

            Zarbon's knock on Spara's door was answered with silence. He sighed. Usually he had no scruples about entering her room while she slept. But after seeing her last night…he actually felt bad about what he had done. It was one thing to steal an extra slice of pizza, but he had stolen her body. It HAD been an accident. Nevertheless it had occurred and he might as well enjoy it while it lasted. He grinned evilly as he thought about the fact that she'd have to let him shower eventually. And when he did…oh who was he kidding? He had felt himself up all last night. He just hadn't done it wet yet.

            He turned the knob and the door made a low creak as it swung open. He peered inside and saw Spara sprawled across the bed, wrapped in her bed sheets. 

Zarbon's breath caught in his throat.

Her emerald hair had cascaded across her pillow and trickled down her broad blue shoulders. Her delicate eyelashes fluttered beneath perfectly arched eyebrows that were set in an expression of mild amusement at wherever she was dreaming.

"Damn I'm one sexy bitch." Zarbon said, shaking his head. "Ah, but now to the task at hand." He walked over to her bed and stood over her, contemplating how best to go about rousing her without incurring her inevitable wraith. 

He settled on poking her with her hairbrush.

"Oi..*pokepoke* You need to get up so we can go to the IHOP and make fun of all the fat guys guzzling the Boyzenberry syrup. *pokepoke*

She mumbled something that was seemingly incoherent.

Zarbon leaned closer. "Eh? What was that?"

"I said," She repeated, "that that had better be my hair brush you are poking me with or else you're going to be eating through a tube for awhile."

Zarbon grinned. "The particular bodily appendage that you are insinuating that I am utilizing at the moment is currently out of my possession."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She cracked an eye open. "What the--?! Oh…riiiight. You're an idiot." She groaned and covered her head with a pillow.

"No, no, no. No more sleeping for you." He snatched the pillow away from her face. "Its time for all good metamorphs to get out of bed and go eat omelets with our chronically dysfunctional friends."

"Fine. I will get up on one condition." Her eyes narrowed. "I get to beat you senseless when this is all over."

He nodded, his golden spikes bobbing cutely and smiled. "I love being senseless. You know that."

She rolled her eyes. "We all like what we are familiar with." She sat up and stretched, arching her back and letting her spine pop back into place after prolonged sleep. "God that felt good."

"Yup, it always does. But don't stress yourself out." He shook his finger at her. "Or else I'll have you on your stomach so fast it'll make your head spin."

A strange smile spread across her face. "Why my dear Zarbon, a girl could take that to mean something very, very naughty."

He chuckled. "Perhaps it was meant to." Their eyes locked and for a moment neither spoke, opting instead to gaze into each other's eyes.

Spara suddenly twitched. "Oh god! Was I flirting with you!?"

"Hell yeah you were!" Zarbon grinned.

"Oh…oh god, no! What have you done to me?!" She wailed.

He patted her on the back. "Don't worry about it. It's the hormones."

She looked up at him, hope glistening in her eyes. "Really?"

"Yup. I'm one horny sumbitch! Or at least you are, now. And really, I can't blame you since I am one sexy Saiyajin, aren't I?" He winked at her.

"Zarbon…I hate you so much."

"There is a fine line between love and hate my delicious friend." He offered her a hand.

After a moment she smiled weakly and took the offered appendage. She stood and walked to the door.

"I need a shower." She stated.

"Oh ho! You just want to see me naked!" He chortled gleefully.

She turned back to him. "Please. I have lived with you for, what? 4 years now? I've lost count of how many times I have seen you naked. Like all the times you have 'accidentally' left the door to the bathroom open when you were showering? Or when you decided to take up naked cooking? Oh, and lets not forget the time when you came home so drunk you decided you couldn't make it to your own room so you passed out on my floor, stark naked."

"Hey! That was legitimate nakedness, all! The exhaust fan was broken in the bathroom, the apron was dirty, and I sleep naked because I paid an arm and a leg for those satin sheets and I want to get my money's worth!" He said, crossing his arms indignantly.

"You were piss drunk and sleeping on a pile of comic books and shoes."

"Which, when you are as drunk as I was, feels surprisingly a lot like satin sheets."

             Her lips quirked slightly. "You are so full of shit." She went through the door and headed down the hallway towards the bathroom.

            He grinned again. "Good to know that you're not mad at me any more."

            Her chuckle drifted down the hall to meet his ears. "Oh, I'm still pissed at you." She said, entering the bathroom. "I've just had time to think about it, and vengeance will taste much better than murder." And with that, she shut and locked the bathroom door behind her.

            He rolled his eyes. "What, like I'd want to sneak a peek?"

            "Yeah you would." She uttered from behind the door.

            "Yeah, you're probably right." He sighed. "I am a sexy bitch."


	4. The One Thats Kinda Like Seinfeld

**And Kami Said, "Let There Be Stupidity."**

Chapter 4

"The One That's Kinda Like "Seinfeld""

By: Spara

((Note to readers: Thanks for letting me know that this story is still being read. ))

Later, at the IHOP….

An odd assortment of colorful characters filed into the local IHOP. Delores sighed. Why, oh why did all the freaks come into the restaurant on her shift? And what a bunch of freaks it was. There was this tall, green bug looking guy, another guy with long green hair braided down to his ass. That one would have been cute if he hadn't been blue. But it looked like they were there with their girlfriends. The first girl had long red hair and what looked like bug antenna poking out of the top of her head. She also looked really pissed off, eyeing the green guy with annoyance. Yay. Disgruntled customers were always fun in the morning. The last girl looked almost normal until a bit of motion caught Delores' attention. A tail. She had a tail. A long furry brown twitchy fluffy monkey tail. And she was laughing. Delores muttered to herself something along the lines of it was too damn early in the morning to be that happy.

She sidled up to the table, eyeing the customers warily and began passing out menus.

"Y'all in town for one of them Sci-Fi conventions?" She asked, as she pulled out her order pad.

Every member at the table exchanged a glance.

"Erm…" The blue guy started.

"Nope." The chick with the tail spoke up. "This is us in all of our natural glory." She beamed at Delores.

"Fantastic." Delores said as years of on the job training kicked in. Her practiced fake smile spread across her face with ease. The same smile that she wore when dealing with the occasional unruly drunk that wasn't all that uncommon working in a 24-hour establishment.

These people were worse than drunks though.

They were psychos.

"What can I getchya'll to drink?" She asked, syrup dripping from her voice.

"Oh, I'll have a glass of milk, orange juice, a diet coke and a water." The blond girl said, smiling cattily.

Delores eyed her. This one was going to be trouble. In Delores' many, many years of experience whenever someone orders drinks for the whole table they are one of two things: A mom, or a control freak. And after eyeballing the giggly girl who couldn't have been more than 20, she was betting that she wasn't a mom just yet. Not enough lines around the eyes. She wrote down the order and turned to leave.

"Hey! Where do you think you are going?" The big green one shouted. "You didn't take my order yet. And I am frikkin' thirsty."

Delores turned back to the table, one eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry. I have four drink orders and there are four of you. I just assumed-"

The blond one interrupted with one hand raised. "Ah! You know that they say about assuming, darlin'." She left the cliché hanging in the air.

Delores grimaced.

"C'mon….say it. SAY IT!" The blonde shouted.

Delores' nostrils flared in aggravation and through gritted teeth she recited, "When you assume you make an ass of you and me."

"Bingo!" The blonde shouted happily. Her companions groaned.

"Jesus, Zarbon. Leave the poor woman alone." The red-head said.

"_Zarbon? What the hell kinda name is that?_" Delores wondered to herself. "_Maybe her parents were hippies…that would explain a lo_t…_she must be on drugs._" She took a deep breath and turned to the red head that had spoken up in her defense. "So what can I get you ma'am?"

The red-head just stared at her blankly. The green guy cleared his throat. The red-head just glared at him.

Delores decided to try again. "Ma'am? Your order?"

Again, a blank stare. This time the green guy jabbed the red-head in the side.

"What?! What the hell do you want?!" The redhead shouted. The green guy just looked at her, lips pursed, eyes wide.

"Oh. OH! I'm the ma'am. Oh, okay." She said. "Stupid human culture and their words…" She muttered and turned to Delores. "I have no idea what I want."

Delores had to dig her nail into her thumb to keep herself from screaming at her. Instead she said, "Fine. I'll just bring you a coffee."

"That'll do." The red-head responded curtly.

"And I want water. Like two glasses." The big green one popped up, his gruff voice having a strange bouncy chime to it that Delores had never heard come from a man so large.

"Alrighty then." She responded, jotting down the order.

"No wait! I want a pitcher of water! Yeah, that's it! Bring me a pitcher of water!"

"Okay…" She muttered. She turned her attention to the last member of the odd menagerie, the blue man with the green braid. "And you sir?"

He looked up at her as though startled by what she had said, blinking his golden amber eyes. "Um…I guess a Sprite would be fine." He said.

"Aww, c'mon! Live a little baby!" The loud blond one piped up, slapping the blue man on the back. The blue man shot the blond a withering glare and the blonde's smile faltered.

"Fine, whatever. What do I know?" She said, though not to have her mood hindered by the moody blue man, she turned her attention to the red head and began teasing her mercilessly about something to which Delores wasn't privy.

Delores glanced around the table whose occupants seemed to have forgotten she existed and so she turned on the heel of her sensible twelve-dollar sneakers and left the madness in her carpet dust.

"I'll be damned if I don't get to put in for hazard pay with that bunch." She muttered to herself as she pulled down the glasses for their drink orders.

"Jeeze Zarbon, could you have been more rude to that poor woman? She's gonna spit in all of our food now, I just know it." Pixie said.

"I don't know what you are griping about," Piccolo grumbled, "You're not the one that's gonna be eating anything. And a little side note, premonitions are not part of my cache of nifty little abilities."

There was an awkward silence at the table as most of its occupants stared at the red head and the strange words that had just exited her lips. Her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth, head turning slowly to glare at her Namekian counterpart.

"How dare you…" She hissed.

"What the hell did I do?!" Pixie asked fretfully.

"You made me say 'Nifty'! I have never in my entire EXISTANCE said 'NIFTY'!!!" She screamed. "How dare you have such an asinine word in this idiotic body's limited vocabulary!?"

Pixie frowned, his thick brow ridges knitted together in stern consternation.

After a few moments Zarbon waved her hand in front of Pixie's eyes. "Earth to Namek, anyone home? Hey! Wake up!"

Pixie looked up with a blink and turned to Piccolo. "I have such words in my vocabulary because I am a teenaged girl and I can only conclude that words such as 'nifty' are in my terminology in order to substitute for a more eloquent description of any given situation."

For the second time in so many minutes the table was held under the sway of a very awkward silence.

"Furthermore," Pixie started, sitting up straighter, dwarfing the two females sitting at the booth with him, "The substitution of slang terminology used by youth today seems to be increasing in its usage and inanity and I believe that to be related to the failings of the public schooling system, specifically in the literature and English departments. However there is also a failing in the motivation for students to learn proper grammar due to the increasing use of slang and faux-words in music today in addition to the fact that frankly, no one seems to give a rat's ass."

"…Well alrighty then…as long as you…remember that…" Piccolo said, more than a bit perplexed.

Spara cocked her head and stared at Pixie. "…Que?

"Yeah, when the hell did you get so insightful?" Zarbon asked.

Pixie shrugged. "It just seemed that that was the answer."

Piccolo sighed. "Yeah, that's pretty much my stance on the situation. Damn kids and their Snoop Kitty Cat and their Just-in-timey-Lakes…"

"Um…that's Snoop Doggy Dog and Justin Timberlake, darlin'." Zarbon corrected.

Piccolo snorted, though coming from Pixie's cute little fey-ish features it was not nearly so gruff and stand offish as it once would have been. In point of fact, Piccolo's snort was now quite musical and sweet. Like a child all rosy cheeked and sparkling eyes being petulant about being called into dinner before the game of tag was over.

Zarbon's eyes sparkled. "You are SO cute you widdle fuzzy widdle pixie thinger mabob!!!" She squealed as she tried to leap across the table to hug Piccolo.

Spara snatched Zarbon's shoulder and held her in her chair. "Jesus, what is wrong with you? Get a hold of yourself!"

Spara and Zarbon's bodies were pretty evenly matched in strength but Spara now had the bigger body and sheer size was what enabled him to keep Zarbon in her seat.

Zarbon turned and glared at Spara. "What wrong with me? Its your bloody estrogen that's what's wrong with me! I just suddenly had the urge to hug the cute little bug thingy, that's all. Look, I'm not really used to dealing in the chemicals that make a man all cutesy, you know?"

"You know…" Piccolo began, "I have the sudden and insatiable urge to go to a photography shop and pick up some photos…"

Pixie slapped himself in the head and exclaimed, "Oh that's right! The photos for the meeting!! I totally spaced on them!" Pixie turned to Piccolo and bit his lip. "Piccy, I have to ask you a HUGE favor…"

"I think the fact that you are still alive is doing you a huge favor, but go ahead and ask me anyway. I'm feeling generous today."

Pixie grinned nervously. "Uhmm…I have this meeting today and I need you…to be me…and its kinda important…my life as a pixie depends on it. And, uh…have I mentioned lately that I totally respect you and think that you are the greatest person on the face of this planet lately?"

Piccolo cocked an eyebrow. "Eh? No, not lately. Come to think of it," Piccolo said, rubbing her chin, "The last person to tell me that was Gohan…Waitaminnut! Why are you sweet talking me?! I'm not doing a damn thing for you! I know what you little conniving fey do at those meeting of yours! Oh, you think I am so naïve but I know all about the pictures and video tapes and the like and you can just forget it! I am not going to a Piccolo fan club meeting! There is something a little too narcissistic in that for me. Shit, it sounds like something Zarbon would do! You can forget it!! There is no friggin' way."

"Pweese Piccawo?" Pixie asked, eyes sparkling with the beginnings of tears. "If you don't go I'll get kicked out as the vice president and that skeezy Loralai will take my spot! I'll have to re-apply and then work my way back up the ranks! And I'm tired of all the killing-er, I mean politics…I totally meant politics…"

"I thought you would be the president of that thing by now." Spara said; hand still firmly in place upon Zarbon's shoulder.

Pixie pouted, which was another cute new expression on the Namek's face. "Well I should be but Gohan is harder to kil-I mean, he has seniority over us all because of all the one-on-one training he's had from Piccolo. I'm next in line just because…." She paused and suddenly her eyes lit up. "You know what? I am totally president of that club now!" She exclaimed.

"How do you figure?" Spara asked.

"Just look at me!! I AM THE NAMEK!!!" She shouted, much to the chagrin of all the nearby tables as an overly excited Namek can bellow quite loudly.

Pixie observed all the dirty looks she was getting and said sheepishly to the restaurant, "Sorry everyone. I just got a little over excited. I just realized that I am the President of my own fanclub."

An elderly man at an adjacent table was heard to mutter to his wife, "See Agnes? I told you the IHOP wasn't a respectable restaurant anymore. They let in all the crazies." To which his wife replied, "I know they do Abner, that's why we're here. Now put your pants back on and drink your toast."

"They are making a scene!" Delores exclaimed in a hushed voice to her manager. The kitchen didn't offer much privacy so she had to keep her voice down. She wasn't sure but she had a sinking suspicion that the big green one's ears looked like they might have been capable of hearing her from so far away.

"Look, Delores, I know that you have had a hard night, 3 rowdy drunks and a 14 college kid all-nighter is tough on all of us. But our branch isn't doing so good on the cash flow. Frankly, I don't know why we haven't been shut down yet. But I recognize that blonde one at the table. She'll pack away the pancakes like you wouldn't believe and I've seen, with my own eyes her eat $400 worth of sausage and bacon. Sometimes she comes in with another group of dark haired people and the whole table will pack away a whole night's take in one sitting. We need their money and if you chase them off then I'm afraid I'll have to let you go. I don't want to do that you understand seeing as how we're shorthanded as it is, but you would leave me with no choice."

Delores scowled. "But…but she's got a tail!"

"Now Delores, you know we do not discriminate here. Not only is it against the law but it is in poor taste."

"No more poorer taste than the damn tropical shirts we all had to wear for that stupid vacation pancake promotion." Delores muttered under her breath.

The manager glared at her. "What was that Delores?"

"Er, nothing sir…nothing at all." Delores mumbled.

"That's what I thought. Now bring those drinks over to that table. You've kept them waiting long enough." He smiled. "You don't want to lose your tip do you?"

"No sir." Delores mumbled as she picked up the precariously overloaded tray of drinks. As she headed back over to the table with the freaks she muttered, "They are probably the kinda people who tip in gum."

"Man I'm thirsty!" Pixie exclaimed as the cold pitcher of ice water was set down in front of him. Delores had just set the last of Zarbon's drinks down when Pixie hefted the pitcher to her mouth and drained the entire thing in 3 gulps, ice and all.

"Ah! That was delicious! Could I have a little more please?" Pixie asked wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Eyes wide, Delores only nodded and headed back to the kitchen for another pitcher.

"Yo, could you try to draw a little more attention to us, please?" Spara asked, shifting uncomfortably under the heavy stares of the occupants from the adjacent tables.

"Hey, your cover is blown by the bright blue skin you are sporting." Said Piccolo. She took a sip of her coffee and made a face. "Ugh…what is this crap? It smells great but tastes horrible!" She sat the cup down and eyeballed it like it had bitten her.

Zarbon picked up a packet of sugar and dumped it into the cup as well as a container of creamer. "Stir that up and try it again."

"This from the man whose magic cooking has me wearing the dainty weak skin of a pixie." Picciolo said.

Zarbon cocked his head and smiled. "Look, both of those things I just put into the cup came from this table. They are fine. What do I have to gain from you being poisoned at this stage of the game?"

"Seriously, Piccy. The sugar and cream are okay. It's the only way I can stand to drink coffee, too." Spara said.

Piccolo gave a curt nod that sent her antennae bobbling and picked up a spoon.

Pixie was anxiously glancing around the restaurant looking for the waitress.

"Thirsty again?" Piccolo asked, bringing the coffee cup to her lips.

Pixie nodded. "Yeah, I don't know what has gotten into me. I'm usually never this thirsty."

Piccolo sipped her coffee and smiled. "Ah…much better. " She took another sip and savored the new taste of the drink. She emptied the cup and set it down on the table, tapping the ceramic handle with her nail.

"That was a familiar sight, thought not on the same dramatic scale as Pix's." Spara said.

"Yes, I have to consume about 5 gallons of water in the morning to get going." Piccolo stated. "That little cup of coffee was nothing."

"Dude! You must have to pee like a race horse!" Zarbon said.

"And how!" Piccolo said, leaning back against the booth wall. "That's something I may not miss if I have to be renting this body for awhile. When do you think she'll come back with more coffee?"

"Keep drinking coffee like that and the bathroom experience will be unsettlingly similar." Spara muttered.

"You seem to be feeling more chipper." Zarbon said, patting Spara's arm.

"Indeed. I suppose I just needed a bit of the bubbly to get me going." He said gesturing with his glass of Sprite.

"Yes, the bubbly." Zarbon said, smiling as her hand slipped under the table.

At that moment Delores arrived with a fresh pitcher of water and an audience. Apparently there were more than a few of the other wait staff that didn't believe her story about the gallon-guzzling green bug man at table 18. She plopped the pitcher down in front of Pixie and looked at him expectantly. Spara read the look in her eyes. If Pixie didn't perform it would be a major blow to Delores' ego.

Pixie obliged without a second thought. She hefted the pitcher and downed its cold contents in under a few seconds. There were gasps from the onlookers and Delores just smiled triumphantly. Pixie handed the pitcher back to her and said, "Could I have another one?"

"No problem." Delores said. "But first are you ready to order?"

"Oh! We haven't even cracked the menu's yet!" Spara exclaimed.

Delores' eye twitched.

"No worries guys, I've got it covered." Zarbon said as she turned to Delores. "We'll have everything on the breakfast menu. Bacon, sausage, the works."

Delores gritted her teeth and asked, "How would you like your eggs?"

"However you like your eggs, darlin'." Zarbon grinned cattily.

"Salmonella it is." She said.

"What?" Spara asked.

"I said scrambled it is."

Elsewhere… 

Kami sat perched eagerly on the edge of the bowl of heaven, his old wrinkly legs dangling over the immense abyss that is the void between heaven and earth. The wind was whipping up his robe exposing long a long line of his thigh. Kami didn't seem to notice.

Mr. Popo gagged silently.

Kami stared intently at the surface of the planet under his charge, blinking rarely despite the wind.

Kami would sit on the edge of heaven for days at a time, never moving, never twitching until Popo intervened and reminded him that even deities had to bathe once in awhile.

Now was such a time.

Mr. Popo approached Kami and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Getting no response he tapped again, this time a bit harder.

"Not now Popo! That tart Bulma is taking a shower. Oh, yes…you are a dirty girl… a dirty naughty…No! Not you Vegita! You get out of there!! Ugh…" Kami looked up at Popo "Well now that that is ruined, what are you pestering me about now?"

"I think that it is time that you take a shower. Its been a few days and you are starting to kill the plants with your smell."

"What a terrible thing to say to me, an old man! How dare you speak to me with such insolence!"

Popo raised his hand as if to backhand Kami.

"Ack! Okay! Alright! Sorry! Yeesh….I'll take a shower. But no peeking you perv."

"Only in your dreams. Now march." Popo said, pointing to the palace.

"Fine." Kami said, hopping to his feet and in doing so caused his robe to jump open. "That accursed nephew of mine is just having breakfast and isn't really doing anything of interest at the moment. Although Zarbon is giving Spara a run for his money with the footsie she's playing under the table. Those two will probably have a grand ol' sack session before this is all over." He sighed. "Ah….now there is a new twist on self love." Kami grabbed a fistful of his robe and gave it a good sniff. "Eh, you know you are right. This one is pretty rancid. You'd better wash it right away." And with that he whipped it off and handed it to Popo. He grinned, at Popo's shock. He turned on his heel and shuffled off to his nice warm shower

Popo gagged and tossed the tainted robe off the edge of the platform and watched it flutter to the surface below. "Wherever that thing lands, nothing will ever grow again."

Back at the IHOP… 

Delores sat the last plate down on the table and looked at Zarbon expectantly. Zarbon, completely clueless picked up the Denver omelet, cut it in three pieces and shoved a chunk of it into her mouth. Delores bit her lip and left to attend another table. Curse her manager, he might be right about the blond being able to pack all that food away. Delores grinned. _"Lets just hope she's paid off her credit cards because that is not going to be a cheap meal."_ She thought.

Zarbon having polished off the Denver omelet reached for the steak omelet and proceeded to dig in.

Spara had a look of utter disgust on his face. "Ugh, do I really look like that when I eat?"

Zarbon looked up with a huge piece of steak hanging out of her mouth. "Wook wike what?"

"No, you usually pause for air once in awhile." Pixie said, as he sat down the 5th pitcher of water of the morning. Delores had been kind enough to get him 3 more full pitchers.

Piccolo was picking at a large stack of pancakes with a smiley face on top made of whipped cream and scowled. "What is the reason for this infernal smiley face? I can't eat anything that looks at me."

"Oh for the love of Pete!" Pixie said. He picked up a fork and literally wiped the grin from the face of the pancakes. "There! Are you happy!?"

"I'll never be happy again. Now shove over and hand me the strawberry syrup." Piccolo said as she snatched the fork from Pixie and proceeded to cut up the pancakes. Pixie muttered something that vaguely sounded like a curse and practically threw the boysenberry at her.

"I said Strawberry! What are you stupid?! Wait, yes of course you are! You are a stupid little Pixie after all."

"Oh gee, I'm sorry." Pixie said, crossing his eyes. "But you're wrong. I'm a big old schlub of a Namek and I can't do anything right. It might mean I was competent enough to steal the godhead from Kami." He stopped, eyes wide, and slowly covered his mouth.

The whole table froze; even Zarbon paused from her fourth omelet, fork halfway to her mouth.

"What the hell are you talking about?! What do Kami and his godhead have to do with the price of gasoline in Alaska?" Piccolo asked totally nonplussed.

"I…I-I dunno." Pixie stammered. "It just felt like the thing to say."

On Kami's lookout…

"Swoosh!" Kami said, half hopping with glee. "Part two of my plan is in motion! Now…to find my pants…"

Back at the IHOP…

"But its such a strange thing to say!" Piccolo said.

"Will you just drop it please? I don't know why I said it. It was a stupid thing to say. Now let poor Zarbon get back to her massive stack of French toast! She's practically wasting away over there." Pixie said. He reached for a fresh pitcher of water but this time only sipped it.

"What an odd thing to say." Spara said.

"Look! Drop it okay!?" Pixie shouted.

"No, no, not that. You referred to Zarbon as 'she'." Spara stated. "Don't you think that a bit odd?"

"Oh, you're right." Pixie said. "I did…I'm thinking of Zarby as a she, too."

"That's not too much of a stretch, you know." Piccolo said, as she tried a bite of chocolate chip pancakes. "She was femmy before this debacle. Now she's just got the body parts to back up her wardrobe."

"No, that's not what I mean! I called her 'him!' I mean him 'her'! And you just did it too! Agh! I don't know what to think!" Pixie shouted, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Well let's look at this rationally. Right now I am a 'he'." Spara said.

Zarbon coughed, choking on her 4th stack of French toast.

"Is there a problem?" Spara asked, placing his elbows on the table, and resting his head on his hands.

"Uh…no, but I'll have to talk to you later." Zarbon said with a sly grin.

"Regardless," Pixie interrupted. "Spara is right. Right now we are all what we are. I'm a man."

Piccolo coughed. "We will also have to have a talk. But sooner I'm sure since that's the 6th gallon of water you've had today."

Pixie shook her head. "Look whatever. Just the semantics could have more meaning than we think they do. It means our thinking has changed. We've started thinking of our bodies not being ours any more. I'm a he, Zarbon's a she, Spara's a he and Piccy is a she!"

"I am not a she!" Piccolo said huffily.

"Check the tits hon." Zarbon said. "I know I checked out mine."

Spara growled. "I hate you sometimes." He said, leaning forward on the table.

"Ah yes, but you LOVE to hate me." Zarbon said, grinning as he fingered a strand of her hair and licked a bit of syrup from her upper lip.

Pixie's eyes darted between her two bodily-displaced friends and then glanced at Piccolo. "Piccy do you sometimes feel like you've missed something?"

"No, never." She said, daubing her mouth with a napkin.

Pixie sighed. "No, of course not. You're as sharp as a spoon."

"Damn right. Now you'll have to excuse me. I need to go to the restroom."

"Yeah, me too. Hey, I'll show you where they are so you don't get lost and go all the way out to the gas station." Pixie said, a playful grin on his face, fangs flashing.

"Shove it, you." Piccolo said as she scooted out of the booth.

Zarbon got up to let Pixie out.

"Oh, so I guess that I will have to have that talk with you afterall." Piccolo said.  
Pixie cocked his head sending his antenna bobbling cutely and raised and eye ridge quizzically. "What talk? I know everything there is to know about you.

Piccolo threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, there are some things little fey that no one knows about me. Now come on its time for a little lesson in Namekian anatomy."

Pixie hunched over and followed Piccolo to the bathrooms as Piccolo whispered into her ear. Just as they reached the small corridor that split into the men's and women's rooms Pixie was heard to exclaim, "Dude! That's sick!"

Zarbon turned to Spara with a very sly grin on her face. "You know I wouldn't mind having a little lesson in Saiyajin Anatomy."

"Who are you trying to fool, fool? You've already made it pretty clear that you have studied it quite thoroughly." Spara said crossing his arms and leaning back in the booth.

"Awww….don't be like that. Look I'm sorry for this mess. It just seemed like the thing to do. I promise that I won't ever even look at a pixie spell book again after this is all over." Zarbon said.

"Wow, I am totally taken aback. Was that actual remorse coming from you? Holy crap! Too bad I didn't get it on video so I could sell it on eBay." Spara said sarcastically.

"No! I'm serious! I know that I said I was excited about this! And I was…for the first several hours…but now I really am sorry about all of this! And it's pissing me off! I don't understand it! I should be really giddy about all of this! It should be really awesome!" Zarbon said, as she slowly cut up the stuffed French toast with strawberry syrup.

Spara snickered. "Look, most people don't like regret. But look at it this way, you're probably getting that from my body so you don't really have to worry. I'm sure that you are still the same callous and devious individual that you always were deep down inside."

Zarbon looked up, eyes gleaming. "Do…do you really think so?" She asked.

"I'm sure of it." He held out his hands and Zarbon took them in hers.

"I….I am so turned on right now." Zarbon said.

"I'd be disgusted with you but being turned on by a man reassuring you is also a girl thing."

Zarbon grinned slyly. "So you wanna ditch the bugs and go make out in the back of a school bus?"

"No." Spara yanked his hands out of Zarbon's. "I am more worried about the fact that we, as individuals seem to be losing more and more of our respective personality traits and gaining more of those of our new bodies."

"Well dear, I don't think that you have to worry about becoming too much like me until you get the unsightly urge to strip in public for money to buy designer jeans." Zarbon said as she stuffed another forkful of hash browns into her bottomless pit of a mouth.

"You know now that you mention it these clothes are a little itchy…."


End file.
